Maybe...

I should start writing in here again.

7 Months

10,000 Free round-trip tickets to Japan!

It has been 7 months since the earthquake/tsunami that tragically happened. I was browsing through Yahoo! and found this link (above). I don't know if it is legit or not, but if I am able to go visit my friends in Japan again for free(?) why not try it out?! :)

As for me...

There has been a lot going ever since I have arrived back and honestly I haven't had much time to write or process much. Though I keep stumbling and messing up, God's grace is there to catch me. Oh, how undeserving I am....

Heartache

There are so many emotions and thoughts racing through my mind lately that I cannot sometimes function correctly. It’s a combination of jumbled feelings about certain people who I still want to trust that they can breakthrough this slump/apathetic/critical stage and become the people I saw potential in, and so many disastrous events that have affected me in a personal level. I can’t keep myself from thinking about it so often, but I know that I could sure use some prayer and encouragement. There’s also the fact that I feel like I am still in this reflective state about the things I experienced in Japan, but not having many good/deep talks with people about…everything that happened.

Sometimes words are not enough to express how I feel, which is why I think I’m so quiet and more task-oriented. I wish there were more things I can do around where I live, something where I can be active or just even get out of the mundane and routine life that I have been living since I have come back to California.  

This past Sunday, I really enjoyed Pastor James’ sermon about “Why Can’t Life Be Easy.” The line that I have actually heard before, but reminded again of is when he said “the point of life is not to live it ‘easy’ but to live it ‘well’” I want to live according to God’s commands, but a lot of times it’s hard, I just hope that I won’t abandon God and all that I have learned through Christianity, but to persevere through hardship and remember that it builds up character.

Romans 5:3-5

3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I choose to live in hope that God knows what’s going on and that even in the midst of catastrophe that God can still work in ways that we can never understand. Whether people agree with me or not, that is just how I have decided to live. Trust in God and lean not on my own understanding, because that will get me nowhere. 

I am praying for the people of Japan and all that is affected by this tragedy. I know my friends in Osaka are not physically affected by the tsunami and the bigger part of the earthquakes, but I know they are still emotionally and even mentally affected by this whole situation. God, may Your peace be over them and covering them with Your healing hands.

All of you at J-House and Japan, I wish I was there with you during this time of hardship. 日本のために僕は祈ります！皆がんばって下さい

Move On

It has almost been a month since I finished my one-year mission outreach in Japan and it seems as if it was a long time ago. So I would think that my “post-mission-syndrome” was definitely over, but I apparently was wrong. I love being back home, but there is just so many things that I experienced and felt that I can’t even express in words…so how am I supposed to share about it or let it out? I find the more I sit and think about these things by myself, I slowly drift back into my old ways and tendencies, and that I can say… is not a pleasant place to be.

I am different now, I need to hone all the experiences into the way I speak, think, and live. I’m not this little kid anymore who has been stuck in this Southern California bubble all his life, but I am someone that has been out in the world to do God’s work.

Maybe there are some things that I am still holding onto that I don’t want to let go? If so, from today, I want to throw it out and move forward not go back in the past. I even cleaned and threw away stuff in my room that reminded me of the past. Not that they were bad things, but because they were holding me back from changing into someone better.

I’m trying things that I normally wouldn’t do or would think about doing, but not do it and I’m glad I did. I’ve got to meet new people, get to know people I barely knew, and just enjoy being in company with different people. I originally thought that if I came back to America, I wouldn’t be as lonely as I was in Japan—but I was totally wrong. I am stuck at home in the middle of nowhere and not having the convenience of people being in the next room over to talk or hang out. I want to find people who will actually, honestly speaking, check to see how I’m doing once in a while.. The only calls I get or email’s I receive are either from my mom or people asking me for things. Maybe I just pity myself, but it really does get lonely over here in Fontana… haha. It’s just the wind and me.

Or this time could be for me to be alone with God? I don’t know but I hope that I figure something out soon! I need to move on—which doesn’t mean to forget everything, but to keep that and seal it in my heart and move to where God will lead me next, but I must not be idle.

Please keep me in your prayers, I still haven’t processed everything, but I know now that it takes more than a couple of weeks…Also, I will be giving a testimony during my service this Sunday, so to prepare well for that too! Alright, time to go do something… !!

My buddy Andrew Figueroa Chiang is going on tour in the East Coast! Good luck!~

Check out his stuff, just released his EP not too long ago! Support~ yeeaahhh~ 

A New Chapter

Hello everyone! It has been over 2 weeks since I have been back home now and it's been good seeing old familiar faces as well as new ones too :) I still miss people over in J-House/Japan, but I know we can still somehow keep in touch :)

There has been so much that I have been thinking about recently and I feel like my head is going to explode. I need to find good outlets where I can just go and unleash all that's cluttered in my head. I know I did a weekly blog while I was in Japan, but debriefing and reflecting back what has happened during that week is nothing compared to reflecting back on a whole year’s worth of things! @_@

I don’t want to make this post really long, but I want to say a humongous THANK YOU to all the people who have kept up with this blog (whether you read the whole thing or just the pictures :P), THANK YOU to the people who have supported me, whether it was financially or prayerfully, and THANK YOU to all those in Japan and J-House for taking me in as a part of the family! I really miss you all and I really want to know what is going on in your lives, so please feel free to update me with anything new in your lives!

The week before I left, there was a team from Korea that came (Oryun Church 오룐 교회) and at first we (the Jesus Soldiers) thought the event they were supposed to do was going to be a Korean Party/Goodbye Party for me, but it ended up being only a Goodbye party… haha. I felt kind of bad for the people who came out, but it still turned out to be a good night. I never had anything that big for me ever in my life, so I was very very grateful (despite my lack of outward expression, I honestly do get surprised believe it or not! Haha). I am not used to getting anything that big so please excuse my inexperience of how to react when it happens.

Right now, I am still recovering from jet lag and trying to think deep about this new and upcoming chapter of my life. I really need some people to debrief and talk about what I saw, experienced, felt, etc. with someone. If anyone is willing, let me know! Haha… There are times when I feel like 2010 was just a dream and now that I am back to reality, I am back to where I left off. It’s as if I paused life, had this long amazing dream, and then woke back up. I know that is not true and I am reminded of a song that speaks against that: Casting Crowns – Voice of Truth!

“Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes 
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name 
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name 
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times 
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth”

Please continue to pray that I can transition back to home life and that I will always remember that “He will bless those who fear the LORD—small and great alike.” [Psalm 115:13] <--my verse of the year.

Thank you once again! I love you all! Blessings!~

...Back Home...

P.S. If you have any pictures with me or of my last week there, please either email it to me or put it on my facebook so I can see!!! 本当にありがとうございます！日本とJ-Houseぜったい わすれない!

Running Out Of Time

This week was actually our Jesus Soldier break, but it was filled with meeting people and preparing my 2 messages.

Though this week was our break, if I look at it in a selfish way, I felt like I was still doing ministry, but if I look at it in a different perspective, it was well worth the time and energy. Instead of seeing this time as ministry time, I decided to see it as an opportunity to spend my last moments with these wonderful people (both J-House and non-J-House members). I am exhausted now, but I enjoyed each moment that I had this past week. I was able to have a really really nice dinner with Jesus Soldiers and some J-House members after picking up Sarah from the airport. Then Tuesday was my day to do as much as I could on my messages (which I failed, I did complete a lot, but not nearly as much as I wanted), and Wednesday I was able to go to Wakayama with Sasaki and enjoy nature and a really nice onsen (hot spring)! Thursday I went to go play basketball with Coushin and Sam, and by Friday, I was exhausted.

Yeah, I could go on and on, but lets just say that I had a great time and trying to soak everything in a span of a week is really draining. I kind of got sick also during Friday and Saturday making me worry about if I would have a voice to even speak on Sunday (which I did, praise God)! I believe that the two people that I had to speak with were really of God. (We have two speakers each with 20 minutes, so first service and second service I had to speak plus another person after or before me.) What we both spoke about seemed to either relate to one another or really cover for the weak points in my message and vice versa. There might be a video of my message later, but if not then lets just say that I am relieved that it’s all over. Haha…

Today I had to say goodbye to some people that won’t be able to come out to J-House this week. It is always hard to say bye, but I feel like I will really see them before Heaven (or at least I really really hope!). I am running out of time to just meet with people and talk with them too, but trying my best to fit as much people as I can into the already tight schedule that I have.

I can’t believe it’s almost over… I am getting sad writing this so I will stop…plus I am pretty exhausted now so I will write my last update later this week maybe when I am in Korea on the way back home. If not, this will be my last official update in Japan! Thank you everyone for following me through this yearlong journey and interceding, supporting, and encouraging me! Thank you for the love and support!!